by Matt Levinson, Head of School

I had an interesting parent moment this summer. My daughter is entering her senior year of college and she was working with her roommate on securing living arrangements for the new school year. 

We were happy to see our daughter and her friend demonstrating initiative to find a place and happily sat on the sidelines as this process unfolded. 

However, in mid-summer, it looked like things might fall apart with the new housing situation and we grew concerned (probably because we were listed as guarantors). 

I reached out to the mother of my daughter’s roommate to ensure we were on the same page in our approach to supporting our daughters. This conversation served as a critical turning point for me as a parent and left me with a feeling of deep gratitude for having a community. 

In our conversation, her roommate’s mother shared her observation that our daughters were going to be seniors in college and that they needed to learn how to handle these types of situations and responsibilities before they launched into the world. Her suggestion was that we enable and empower our daughters to take the lead in trying to solve the issue. Let them manage communication with the owners of the home. Have them work together to craft responses to communications, set up Zoom calls, and work toward a mutually beneficial solution. I was in complete agreement with her wise approach.  

I was so grateful to have this parent as a partner. She helped me see the situation in a whole new light. I have to admit my wife and I had the same knee jerk reaction initially – step in and fix the situation. Instead, we stepped back and allowed our daughter and her friend to step forward. 

As the summer went on and the situation continued, we saw something magical happen. Our daughter grew in her confidence to handle the situation. She felt like she was in the driver’s seat. She knew we were there in the passenger seat. She and her friend developed solutions, learned to be stronger self-advocates, researched and learned new information about rental properties, and ultimately found success – they have a place to live! And they truly feel like it is a room of their own. 

While my daughter is in her early 20s, I think the lesson still applies. When we step back instead of stepping forward as parents, we give our children space to grow and build confidence. When we step in too quickly, we send them the message that we think they can’t handle the situation on their own. As we start the school year, and as the children in our community encounter challenges and new situations, let’s give them the space to grow and build their self-confidence. We are all here in the passenger seat to help them when they need it.