by Ivan Johnson, Middle School Program Head

Growing up, my dad would always get on me about the dishes. He passed away five years ago this summer, and every night I can still hear him giving me a hard time about leaving dishes out. I am now obsessed with having a clean kitchen, which drives my family a little crazy. (My coworkers will, however, say I don’t follow the same rules at work.) For my dad, the dishes weren’t really about dishes. They were about community. He would always say that when you leave your plate in the sink or walk away from the table, you are making a statement: “My time is more valuable than yours.”

Next week, I’ll be taking our middle school students camping. We’ll start with 20 eighth graders and three teachers, and by the end of the week, we’ll have 67 fifth through eighth graders and 10 teachers together. There will be a lot of dishes. On that trip, I’ll pass along the lesson my father taught me. Leaving a dish or a piece of trash behind isn’t a small thing. It’s a signal of how much you value the people around you.

Not every moment on the trip will be fun. Students will sometimes be tired, hungry, or bored. They won’t always want to do the dishes. But those moments are when some of the most important learning happens. Angela Duckworth reminds us that grit—“passion and perseverance for long-term goals”—is often missing in even our strongest academic students. And sometimes, the students who struggle most in class are the ones who shine with grit in the woods, showing themselves to be steady, reliable members of the community. Duckworth also reminds us that “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” Camping lets all students reveal new sides of themselves and helps teachers see them in new ways.

That is also what I love about middle school at Friends. It is a place where kids can stay a little younger while still being challenged academically. At recess, I see a kind, caring community where students connect face-to-face, free from their phones. In class, I see them taking on real intellectual challenges. Both matter. But before we dive too deep into academics, it is important to stop, get outside, and remind ourselves that learning is also about trust, grit, and how we show up for each other.

In the end, it’s not really about the dishes. It’s about the kind of community we are building together, one where grit, responsibility, and care for each other matter just as much as what’s on the final assessment.